Today, has been the most laziest of days. And, while the primary activity of the day, sailing, did force me to get out of bed at the ridiculous time of 8:30 am, I still feel as though the day has shaped up well.
To begin with, it includes two ice cream sandwiches. And, while the perfect day does include doing some math, I don’t want to get all mathematical on you so I’ll keep it simple; Oreo ice cream sandwiches=Mmm.
Recently, I stumbled upon a conversation which was of the “would you rather?” variety, but it had a bit of a twist. The question in contention revolved around whether you’d rather be a male preying mantis, or a male lion. You see, the male preying mantis gets its head ripped off by the female during mating. (At this point it might be helpful to say that those I stumbled upon suggested that the female eats the brains of the male–but I’m not sure if this is a fact, or hearsay.) On the other hand, a male lion has no guarantee of ever mating. If you are the alpha lion, then life is good. You rule your harem with an iron fist, and mate many, many times. But you might just be an average male lion. Maybe you aren’t the stuff that alpha is made of.
So what do you do? Do you play it safe, knowing that you’ll “score” once as a preying mantis, or do you gamble hoping to “score” big time as the alpha lion? It might be a long, frustrating life as a not quite alpha lion.
So, clearly I’ve given this way too much thought. I mean, it was about a week ago that this came up, and I am writing about it in a blog. But, I have some gems that I think should help you come to your conclusion. Although, I’m going to need you to use your willing suspension of disbelief–and not point out the theological problems that arise with the language I use. We are talking about male animals–so I’ll assume a certain “flexibility” in my choice of words. If you’re still with me, and agree to these terms, then I think that how the choice needs to be made is clear.
Lets say you are leaning towards mantis. Then for a moment, imagine yourself in heaven. You find yourself doing lots of heavenly things. You and the other mantis men spend time doing things like chilling at your cloud and jamming on your harps. You are mildly suspicious about how many dudes heaven seems to contain, but figure maybe dude mantises are more spiritual than their female counterparts. Then one day you’re sitting around and asking one another how you all died. Of course, I’m not sure exactly how this conversation would go, but I imagine at some point the phrase “That b*tch ripped my head off too!” might be said. The conversation degenerates from there.
Now lets say, you’re leaning towards lion. Again, similar circumstances, but no gender imbalance. You where alpha lion, and you find yourself unavoidably saying saying phrases like “Hey, my b*tches! Look’n fine!” Or “Tanya! You, me, Vicki, Candy, and Natasha should all get together and “reminisce” about old times…” The other angel lions are not impressed. And Gabriel, the archangel-lion, keeps shaking his head and muttering under his breath.
Anyways, I’m pretty sure I’ve exhausted all the possible ways that things might go with the above analysis. And, I’m clearly keeping my eye on the eternal perspective, so with this objectively fair analysis, it’s pretty clear that you, like me, should choose male lion. I won’t get into all the personal reasons behind my choice, but I will say this. I already know that one member of the large cat family has a hankering for me. And, cougars can’t be that different from lionesses.
D.R.T.
